As the holiday season deepens, and more of my FB and Blog friends begin looking forward to family time and fewer distractions by political ranters like I have been known to be, I am going on a sort of hiatus...for the next month, I will not be posting about a certain person who is borrowing 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.. for some indeterminate time.
I will post and blog and HuffPo about the greatness of our country, the lovely people who make it as great as it is (or desperately wants to be), and of the ideals and values (such as I see them) that bind us and and lead us.
I am no Pollyanna. I don't think any of us should ignore the rumblings and disconcerting crackings of the fault lines beneath our feet here at home, or the lightning bolts illuminating the storm clouds gathering across the sea. Those things will continue to be on my mind, as I hope they will be on yours--but in a measured tone. Not as a jeremiad, but as a whispered presence. I believe in vigilance in times of trials, and I believe in always speaking truth to power.
But this is a season of turning to others, of outstretched and giving hands, of affection and joy, of tenderness and understanding, of charity and blessing. Of course, every day should be such a time...but here, now, I just want to address and play a part in a season that seems to encourage each one of us to be a polished facet of something brilliant and loving and magical.
I have many friends here on FB who are deeply committed to their respective faiths--including faiths that do not see Christmas through the brushstrokes of Currier and Ives, or in the glow of colored lights and children's sugar-plumed faces. My hiatus will be a time to reach out beyond the boughs of holly and say سلام (salām), friede, صلح (solh), paz, rauha, pais, 平和 (heiwa), 'Éyewi (Nez Perce), Мир (mir), 和平 (hoà bình), שלום (sholim), and, simply, Peace to one and all. (my apologies if I have gotten any wrong...and there are still so many left unsaid. Feel free to add your own).
I also have many friends who do not see the holiday as a time of worship, but as a time of humility and gratefulness and of promoting happiness. Whatever your conviction, your guiding beacon, your inner spirit, I know you will share it this holiday season as you do every day.
And, finally, to those of my friends for whom the holiday is a reminder of loved ones no longer here, of suffering and pain of loss, of daily trials that no angel on a tree or carols sung in the falling snow can possibly assuage, I send you my love and affection and my deepest hope that your foundering worlds will one day be righted, that your hurt will one day be healed, that your battered spirits will find a safe harbor. It's a little gift--this message of hope--but it's all I've got.
Peace.
Mm. Ironic, the bit about speaking truth to power: here I wrote essays at you, a HuffPo columnist, and where are they? Deleted. Good thing I kept a copy of the truth-and-reconciliation one.
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing, Jim: people my age spent an entire adulthood attempting to speak up about things like sexual harassment and assault at work, and being shut down, silenced, fired by men from your generation who found it all personally insulting and vindictive and terribly unfair, not to mention harshing on their managerial buzz. And, of course, dangerous to their own standing.
Now you guys are retired, or just about, and suddenly the defense against such speech -- not just from you, but all around -- isn't "how dare you, that's ridiculous, you're a crazy person and we need to get you out of here", it's "I'm a tired old man, I can't take this sort of thing, I'm really nobody (with a column read by hundreds of thousands, or a vice-presidency at some important company, or a tenured professor, oh be merciful and let us all be peaceable and see the good in the world, what a terrible person you are if you won't get with my current program."
Okay, then, I'm a terrible person. I'm also a terrible person who'll point out that Al Franken has at this point six women accusing him publicly of having tried to maul them, and that this also comes as no surprise to any working woman who's dealt with...er, men. A guy who'll do it once will do it over and over again. That's why we tell the young ones and the new ones "look out for him and don't ever let him get to be in a direct position of power over you." It's not because he did something once. And it's not because we simply brush these things off with a laugh and move on. The women your age who've done that have had no choice, and they wear that collection of laughs as what it is: a badge of courage. There's no reason for us to be collecting badges like that anymore, badges for surviving being treated terribly when all we're trying to do is live and go to work.
I recognize and respect that you saw terrible things growing up, and that this had a profound influence on you. What I'm telling you, and what apparently a lot of other women are telling you, is that you're not the barometer. The fact that a thing strikes you as not terribly serious because *you* don't perceive it, in the scheme of things, to be all that big a deal isn't really germane when you're not the one directly affected by it. In other words, the reasonable thing to do is to stand aside and let the people who are affected by it tell you what it means, and not argue with them because their descriptions don't fit *your* perception of what should be. Ask questions? Look for clarification? Sure. But don't stand there hands in pockets negating what they're telling you about things they know and you don't.
That standing-aside isn't something to be dealt with by firing salvos of self-pity and protests about how the world has made you redundant. We do get this; again, you're not the first guy to react this way.
tl;dr: if you're going to go out there publicly opining in front of a large audience, expect some truth to come back at you, whether you're going to delete it or not.
And: happy holidays.
Amy, good to see yo again...really. I can use a knock in the head (or lower) from time to time, and I don't begrudge you or anyone offering critical analysis of my opinions. Let me say for the record here, that I favor the harshest punishments for men like Franken and his congressional colleagues of all stripes--toss 'em out and let the voters find better representation. If the voters of Alabama choose to put Roy Moore in, they will pay the price for that vote without a doubt, but, stupid is as stupid does. I don't stand for assault or physical abuse against women--or anyone. I believe we must change, and I believe men have to become more than just accountable; they have to be change agents across the board. I can make a difference whether I'm 68 or 98. Let's hope I use the next 30 years wisely.
DeleteThe best thing I can tell you is that my daughters and son are leaders of their generation when it comes to trying to set the world aright after centuries of crap from a male-dominated world. Each one of my children embraces the courage and strength to stand against bigotry, misogyny, hatred, and unfairness anywhere in the world, and I'm proud they do so. Perhaps the best role I can play now is to always support them, and be a good model whenever I can. The me I was 40 years ago, is unrecognizable today. The ass I was when I was in my 30s and 40s, has matured and is making better choices and caring for things that matter outside my own bubble. My columns don't please everybody, and I recognize that even I have to go back over them and see where I may have offended someone, or simply been wrong. When I can right something, I will do my best to do so.